Appearance

Most people don’t see something like this as a reason to change anything. But in my practice, people who come for other, more serious reasons often describe themselves in exactly these words.

This is probably the clearest illustration that the connection between tension in the body and emotions runs both ways. Emotions create tension. And tension creates emotions. And the face, the mirror of emotions, begins to reflect them. But the face is made of muscles too. And like any other muscles, they can hold tension for years, long after whatever caused it is gone.

Tension in the facial muscles can be found like any other, with my hands. But it’s harder to remove. Because relaxing those muscles alone is not enough. You have to find and release the tensions in other parts of the body that send the emotional signal to the mind. That’s the signal that makes the facial muscles tense up. And until you remove the cause, fighting the tension itself is pointless.

That’s why so many people’s faces show the same emotion all the time, no matter what they’re actually feeling. Facial expression has a huge influence on the impression we make on others. And it can be controlled simply by releasing muscle tension. With my hands. And then your face starts broadcasting what you want it to show, not what froze into it years ago.

Is a lack of catlike grace a reason to worry? Of course not. Especially if you don’t care what other people think of you and you’re not chasing perfection in dancing or in sports that call for agility, precision, and split-second reactions.

Your dance teacher says: relax. Your coach says: don’t tense up. But you can’t relax muscles you can’t feel. Not on command. That’s why lessons and training are nearly powerless here: they teach you the moves, and the tension stays put.

I can’t remember a single case of someone coming to therapy specifically for this. In Western society, there’s no culture of fixing it: awkwardness and stiffness are considered just the way you’re built. The Eastern masters I studied with openly laughed at us and called us “children with impaired motor coordination.” And they were absolutely right.

Everyone understands body language. Not everyone realizes it, though. When we meet someone, their body, their posture, and the way they move tell us far more about them than their business card.

If your body once tensed up out of fear or shame and that tension became chronic, your posture, your movements, and your body’s grace will broadcast exactly those emotions. Not just to your own mind, but to everyone around you. Even if you stopped feeling those emotions long ago. And this tension doesn’t just affect how you look: it writes other scripts too, emotional and bodily.

That’s why the diagnosis often begins before I even touch your body. From there, the tension can be found and released directly. With my hands. Your movements become softer and smoother, your body stops being wooden. And the first impression you make starts working for you, not against you.